Starting Over

Now, now, I'm not trying to sound dramatic. It's not like something so tragic has happened that I need a fresh new start. This is just about starting a blog again...on a new site.

What I am a bit confused with though is why I could never let go of "Neverland" in my blog titles. Perhaps it's because I really have lost a large dose of my creative juice that I can't think of anything else. Or perhaps it's because I somehow still want to be identified with my other blogsite.

Or maybe it's really because I have been in my own version of Neverland for so long that I just can't easily shake off that truth from my system.

I associated my old life with Neverland not because I was childish or childlike. It was because I was stuck. Stuck in the rut I called my life. Those Lost Boys were damn happy in that world they were in not because refusing to grow up was what they wanted in life; it was because they didn't know better.

That's how I was. I lived my life the way I did because I thought that I was having a blast. I thought it was what I wanted. I walked the planet without an edit button. I toughened myself up because I've already come to expect that people will disappoint me all the time. I talked fast, thought fast, acted fast. I lived like a whirlwind. When I got hurt, I cried, walked it off then moved on. Moved on to what, you might ask?

To another mistake.

Hmm. Such a vicious cycle.

It's funny thinking about all of those now though. I'm sitting here at our penthouse, looking at the gorgeous view outside. My 20-month-old daughter is noisily playing in the living room while my 5-month-old unborn daughter is doing somersaults. I finished cooking stew an hour ago and my hubby will be home from work in a few minutes.

I feel so detached from my old life. I mean, I KNOW I have regrets but I can't seem to think of one right now.

Actually, I have left my Neverland years ago. I left it the moment I fell in love with the man who now is my husband. And I have never looked back.

Sure, I don't live a fast-paced life anymore. Despite the fact that I've lived in a dozen countries these last 5 years, I've slowed down big time. I have more time to think, to enjoy, to observe. Yes, it's a drastic change but I don't miss my old life. On the contrary.